I did it.
For a while now I have been looking out my kitchen window to see a patch of weeds near the back of the fence. It's a nice little round patch with a small snake-like trail of weeds winding into the thickest part of our healthy grass. Today I began to root-out those weeds.
My parents bought a little pallet of grass for Brad as his Father's Day gift. I thought it was a really appropriate gift for a guy who just moved into a new home and now owns a yard to pamper and a garage to tool around in. Brad carefully placed the grass around the yard to make the most of the pallet,hoping to fill in the barest portions of the lawn.
Since that day he has trimmed and thinned the trees so the sunlight could reach the grassy areas. In the evenings he sits in the chair he made himself and waters special portions of the grass with a tiny sprinkler I had bought for Kate to play in. We actually have a sprinkler system that runs on a schedule but Brad is determined to obey the watering restriction with the sprinkler system and baby his grass by hand in the evenings. Texas is the middle of a drought - which means it is hotter than hades and rain has been distant memory.
For weeks I have glanced out the window and thought I should go pull all the weeds gathering int he middle. I know this would shock Brad because I am not terrible fond of the task. It would also bless him. In my mind I can imagine the weed patch growing... by the fall it would be taking over our small yard. I imagined having Kate help. How picturesque it would be to sit out there together chatting about nature and working together.
Day by day, I would glance out the window thinking about all of these things but do nothing. I even put it on my To Do List but it was never done - never crossed off. I finally mentioned something to Brad thinking that I would follow through if I told him I planned to pull weeds. Brad said he would just spray them - that it was too hot for pulling weeds by hand. He had been very busy lately and had not been sitting out to water or do any yard work but the absolute HAVE to do tasks.
He did not spray, whether due to time/money/exhaustion I do not know, and I noticed that what I imagined was actually happening. The weeds were spreading. The patch growing ever so slightly bigger. The small trail slithering a little longer - widening just a little.
But I was busy. I was overwhelmed. My life was in the weeds. Even more so, my brain was "in the weeds".
"In the weeds" is a term I learned while waiting tables. It meant I had too many tables or maybe too many orders or too many things to do at once. It meant you were behind - not because you neglected something or were lazy - but because you simple had too many "has to happen NOW" things at one time. Often it was out of your control. It was a bombardment of expectations. Often times you switch from consolidating and choosing the item that was best to be done first.... to choose which item you would rather be terribly late in doing or not do at all....
These were the times you needed help because you were in the weeds and had no capacity to help others. These were the times you hoped that those you had helped in their time of need would come to your aide.
Thats where I have been since May... thats where my brain has been since may. In the weeds.
So many things to do, handle, decide, finish, attend to, cope with. But all I wanted to do was pull weeds with my daughter. It's funny how when your 'in the weeds' - the tasks you hate most look so wonderful and peaceful.
But today.....we pulled weeds. And it was glorious.
We chatted about everything from Adam and Eve to Kung Fu Panda. We practiced our vowel sounds and sang and learned about fungus which we found on some old leaves. It was just an hour of work but it was great for my mind, body and grass.
There was a brief moment when I almost felt guilty or disappointed that I had not stopped and done this sooner, but I grabbed that thought and threw it far from my mind. Today was the perfect day for this task. It was one of the first days in weeks there was a little cloud cover so that the morning was bearable and the heat not so stifling. Kate was in such a sweet compliant mood, attacking the weeds and conversation with equal intensity. Thankfully my mind was free from any lists or 'to do' list, so it was able to jump from one subject to the next like skipping rocks on a lake.
The timing was perfect.
Maybe tomorrow I will share all the tidbits of learning that happened while sitting in the wet morning grass. It's amazing how many thoughts you can have when your not busy thinking other peoples thoughts and planning ahead. Simply amazing.
